J. Patrick Wilde was a noted recorder of life in Bear Lake. His prolific collections of historical tales and legends fill several volumes. His book, “Tidbits: Odd and Obscure Amazing- Amusing Facts, Stories Statistics of Bear Lake History” contained an amusing anticdote from the early 1900s. In an article titled, “How Now Brown Cow,” he writes, “Well, here is one of the strangest tales in Bear Lake history…THE DAY THE COWS CAME HOME DRUNK!!”
In those days it was common for cows to be let out on mountainsides to graze, nearly always tended by young boys, who earned pocket change for their efforts. They took the cows to graze south of Nounan Valley, near the Stouffer Ranch.
“This one day two young boys had been assigned to ‘Take the herd to some new place where the feed would be better. Unbeknown to the youngsters, but soon discovered by the cows was a sizeable pile of sour mash from a still that was in operation.’
“Confident that they could rely on the bell of a big brown cow known as Ol’ Bell, the boys were contented to let the animals graze as long as they could hear the tinkle of her neck piece, which seemed to stay pretty much in the same spot, and so they, as boys will, found other pursuits to occupy their time.’
“Ol’ Bell seemed to do her part with a contented tinkling. Must really be good feed today, the boys thought. They had no idea the cows had found the sour mash pile and were eagerly devouring it.”
Well, things got pretty exciting in the afternoon when the two young men decided it was time to head the bovines back to the milking shed. Those cows were drunk! Ol’ Bell lay on her side, swinging her feet back and forth and shaking her head nervously. Her tongue extended out. Her legs kicked out spasmodically and getting her to her feet was nearly a bigger job than the boys could handle. Buttermilk, another favored milker, wandered aimlessly seeming content to lean upon anything strong enough to hold her. Funniest of all was a young heifer who apparently thought she was a ballerina and was determined to cavort around on her hind legs. It was a three-ring circus! They finally reached the milking sheds; but when the milk maids tried to service the animals, all hell broke loose! Gentle Buttermilk tore her stall apart, and Ol’ Bell, who had never been known to kick the bucket, did so—three times with perfect accuracy. Then she laid down and refused to move.
Unsure of what had caused the problem the boys could offer no explanation; but Mr. Stauffer knew.
It was three days before the cows recuperated and over a week before the milk was used for anything but to feed to hogs. The strangest part of the whole story was that this occurred 22 years before prohibition took place in the Bear Lake Valley.
Source: “Tidbits: Odd and Obscure Amazing- Amusing Facts, Stories Statistics of Bear Lake History” by J. Patrick Wilde, copyright 1995, published by Watkins Printing, Providence, Utah
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